Conflict is inevitable. People hurt us and we do the same
to others. Nobody can be perfect 100% of the time. It’s only human to make
mistakes. When a relationship is strained, we should take the high road and try
to bring healing to the situation.
I find that most people want to repair a severed
relationship. However, they don’t always have the tools to bring healing to a
conflict. When we intentionally reach out to the other party, it honors God.
Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers
for they will be called children of God.” Today, let’s look at a few tools
that will help us mend a broken relationship.
Initiate the dialogue. Most people want
to repair the damage but they want the other person to initiate things. If we
can just swallow our pride, we can see great things coming out of the
reconciliation; it doesn’t matter whose fault it
was. The person who reaches out first is the bigger person. Be the bigger
person.
Allow the anger to settle. When a
relationship is damaged, people tend to be extra sensitive. When people are
upset, it’s not the right time to make apology. Reaching out too quickly can
hinder more than it can advance the cause for peace. Depending on the weight of
the offense, it’s generally good to give someone at least 48 hours for things
to cool down. People are high strung when they’re emotionally charged. Time
doesn’t always heal everything but it can make things easier to deal with.
Don’t make light of the offense. No matter
what caused the relationship to break down, understand that the person is still
hurting. Right or wrong, people have the right to their feelings. It becomes
harder on the person offended if we make light of our action. One of the best
things to do is to take ownership of our action. We can say, “I’m sorry that I hurt you. I didn’t mean
to. I will make sure that it doesn’t happen again.” Then shut up. Don’t try
to explain yourself.
Be gracious to forgive. When people make
sincere apology, don’t humiliate them by withholding your forgiveness. It takes
a lot of humility and emotional strength to apologize. When people recognize
their mistake and try to repair the damage, be a decent human being and
minimize the shame. When we keep meddling with the offense and “keep the record straight,” we’re adding
fuel to the fire. Never threaten or give ultimatums. He or she may not say the
exact words you want to hear but you’re better off accepting the apology
instead of dragging him or her through the mud again.
What goes around comes around. We have a
tendency to forget that we too need mercy. When we’re being stiff about an
offense, we’re hurting ourselves the most. People may not be fair but God is.
When we don’t forgive others, God will not forgive us. What we don’t deal with
now can haunt us for generations to come. Let’s forgive and bury the hurt. Life
is too short to hold on to a grudge.
It may take time. Healing a
relationship may not be instantaneous but it is worth it. When we try to hurry
the other person, we risk delaying the process. Allow people some space. The
bigger the offense the longer it may take to reconcile. Let them process your
apology. If they’re big enough, they’ll come back to reconcile with you.
Be at peace with yourself. Some people will
never forgive you no matter what you do to mend a relationship. If you don’t
get a response after repeated attempts, let it go. You cannot force people to
reconcile. Just do your part and allow God to vindicate you. Go on with your
life.
Friend, no matter how it started, a restored relationship
is divine. You have the right to be sour and bitter against people who have
hurt you but it is not right to allow poison to take root in your heart. You
can either get bitter or get better. Make that call to apologize today. Send a
card. Give a gift. Write that email. When we live life as a healer, we’re being
like Jesus.
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his
fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your
brother”
(Matthew 18:15 ESV).
