Yesterday, we started talking about
what men and women want to be in a mutually satisfied relationship. There’s a
great divide between men and women but God meant for us to complement each
other.
Once again, these are general
guidelines. Not every man needs, wants and responds the same way. I heard one
relationship expert say, men have three basic needs. They want sex, food, and
more sex. It may sound this simple but after interviewing hundreds of men over
the years, following are some of my observations.
Men
want admiration. Since we’re young
boys we’ve been trying to leave skid marks on the road with our bikes. The
message is: look at me; I’m great! We want recognition. Men never grow out of
that. When it is out of balance we’re messed up. In the positive, we want to be
someone’s hero. We want you to brag and not nag. We want respect – someone to
marvel at us.
Men
want words of affirmation. This may
shock some of you but one of the greatest enemies to a man’s self-esteem is insecurity. My biggest mistakes in life
derived from insecurity. Think about it! Of all the things God could have said
to Jesus at His baptism He chose to say, “This
is my beloved Son, in whom I’m well pleased.” Even Jesus had to get His
Father’s approval! One of the main reasons men fall into adulterous
relationships is because the woman offers them flattery - a lie that he can do
anything with her.
Men
want control. To some extent this is
God-given. We have been commissioned to lead. We like the feeling of being
in-charge. This is why you don’t read much about female dictators in history. When
men feel they’re in-charge, they will do anything to stay in control. If you
have a great idea, just give us the credit and make us feel like it was our
idea and you’ll have it your way.
Men
want freedom. It’s interesting that we want
to control the world around us but we ourselves want to be free. There’s a part
in every man that is meant to be wild. We like, danger, adventure, challenge and
stupidity. Oh what men would do in order to feel free! When we feel put in a
box, forced to make commitment we resent and rebel. Inspire us with freedom and
we’ll do more than you expect.
Men
want peace. Believe it or not, we don’t
enjoy confrontation. Our motto is: if it’s not broken, don’t fix it. This is
why men find it hard to adjust and change in a relationship because we don’t
see the need for emotional maintenance. When the relationship falls apart, suddenly
we’re all ears. If you need to confront men on any issue sent him a twit (short
and sweet). Threatening doesn’t go well with men. Give them time and space to
confront their issue. Show them the value of working things out and how the end
result will be better than the present. It will motivate him to change.
Men
want to have fun. Most of our
grown up world is duty, responsibilities and serious stuff. We love to have
fun. When men are relaxed and the pressure is off, we receive everything more
seriously.
Friends, I hope this will help you
build better relationships. My fellowmen, if I’ve left out anything that’s important
to you, please share your comments now or hold your peace forever!
Seriously, one of the greatest things you can do to understand what a
man or a woman want is simply ask. I’m praying for you!
“Two people are better off than one,
for they can help each other succeed” (Ecclesiastes 4:9 NLT)
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