My Graduating Daughter

 

It’s hard to believe that you’re graduating from high school. It feels like it was yesterday when I was holding you in my arms with your curly hair always blocking your full face and couldn’t separate you from your juice bottle. Congratulations on graduating from high school. You can’t go higher than high school, right? ;)

 

As you step into the open horizon of possibilities, I want to give you some wisdom that you may need for your journey through life.

1. You’re created in God’s image. Never doubt your value. Everything about you first class! The DNA of God is within you. You belong to the royal family. You’re God’s property. Nothing you do will separate you from the love of God. God blessed you before you were born and the blessing always overrides the curse. Therefore, you cannot fail. You’re destined for greatness. You are and always will be magnificent!

2. You’re beautiful. Beauty is an inside job. The world will define and redefine beauty. Have fun trying out the latest fads and fashions. However, remember that true beauty comes from within. You’re at your sparkling best when you have a heart after God. Your character is the true measure of your charisma. External beauty will fade but the closer you get to God, the more dazzling you’ll become.

3. Build healthy relationships. Check out the boys. Enjoy the attention but protect your heart. It’s normal to be attractive to boys. You’ve had a good looking Dad so don’t go out with an ugly boy! ;) Don’t go after duds who are going nowhere. Follow a man who pursues God first and then you.

4. Speak positive, uplifting words. Go easy on sarcasm. It’s all fun at the moment but sometimes, it can cut like a knife and last for a lifetime. The same is true of kind words. Healing words mend the soul. Think of compliment as putting ornaments on a person. Death and life are in the power of your tongue.

5. Be a generous person. I still remember the day you found a “surprise” twenty-dollar bill in your pocket while we were eating at Chili’s restaurant. When we were about to walk away from our dinner table, you slipped the twenty-dollar bill on the table for the waitress saying, “I didn’t even know I had it. She probably needs it more than me!” As long as you’re generous, you’ll never lack for bread – rice in our case.

6. Look at your glass as half full. There will be times when you may feel a lot of negatives coming your way. Gratitude in those moments will guide you out of your darkness. Fact is, you’ll always have more than most. Keep your eyes on the prize and not the problem. You can get better or you can get bitter.

7. Keep yourself happy. Only you are responsible for your own happiness. Being the middle child, you have a tendency to keep everybody else happy. If you always do that, the only person who won’t be happy is you. It’s ok to have it your way once in a while.

8. Enjoy the outdoors. You cannot beat nature in the most comfortable home. When you get out of your palace, you’ll discover God’s garden. Plant trees and decorate your home with flowers – they’re God’s jewelries for our stressful lives.

9. Travel whenever you can. This is easy for you because you’ve been travelling the world since you were born. Never stop being adventurous. When you leave your home, you discover God’s world. The people you meet and the sights you see will truly make you a rich person.

10. Be spiritual but not religious. I love to see you worship but God enjoys it much more. Worship is the doorway to miracles. The Bible is your life’s compass — showing you the way. The Holy Spirit is our Helper but He will only tell you what’s in the Book. So stay familiar with it. Your prayers are a mighty weapon for tearing down spiritual strongholds. God can do more with your prayer in a split second than you can try to change a person for a lifetime. And remember, when you share Christ with others – whether by words or deed — you become a Star!

Well, I started off giving a few life-tips but now it looks more like the Ten Commandments. Let me close by making it more personal to you. Sabrina, you’re always going to be my favorite even though I’ve said the same to your brother and sister. ;) You can always come home without expecting any condemnation from me. I love you and I always will. 

Congratulations Sabrina. I’m proud of you - my high school graduate!

With You, For You!

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A Tribute To My Dad

My Dad – A Man Who Changed the World through Prayer!

This is how I’d like to introduce and remember my father for the rest of my life. I spent a day and a half and had a wonderful visit with him on our recent mission trip to India. Even though he was getting frail, he lived a fully functional life. On April 9, 2016, I got the dreaded call from my eldest brother, Pat. Our father had taken his last breath on earth and his first in heaven! My Dad had been promoted to glory. 

His life was filled with highs and lows. My father was born in the early thirties to a poor family in a village in India. In order to support his family, he had to drop out of school in seventh grade. He was around twenty-years-old when he married my mother who was about sixteen years of age. Life was a short-lived bliss and they had four boys. Suddenly, when I was one, my mother passed away. Dad loved mom and almost always had tears in his eyes while talking about her for the rest of his life.

He didn’t surrender to struggles. Shell-shocked, dad took up on an offer by a Methodist orphanage to send his four boys there. The earliest memory I have of my father is that he came to visit us on the limited days parents were allowed to meet. He couldn’t give us much but even a pack of cookies was received with great joy. Sitting on his lap and hugs were a rare treat but they were greatly appreciated and anticipated. 

He was a gentleman. After graduating from high school, my brothers and I were in search of our identity. I was fresh out of college and I had just moved to Nepal along with my two brothers, Neil and Guine. My father had made the treacherous journey to come with a village friend to meet us. We were young and dumb — who put him back on the bus the next day. We were so focused on our lives that we didn’t appreciate his visit. He obliged and traveled back to India. Dad never resented it. I never saw him getting mad at anybody.

He was a small town man with a big world view. Even in his advance years, he read the newspaper front to back. Once, we relocated him from the village to New Delhi — the big, capital city of India. He missed his social connections in the village so after about three months we moved him back to his native village. In the years to come, Dad traveled the world to spend time with us but he always went back to the village.

He loved construction. My father was a visionary. Whether it was to build our brick house (in place of the mud house), the local church (biggest building in his village), or anybody else’s building project — he loved to direct and supervise construction.

He was a leader in his community. Poorly educated but highly gifted in his talent to connect with people. When he was able, he would walk to the market every day. There he chatted with the people and enquired about their well-being while sipping on a cup of tea. Whenever he had money, he’d help those in need. He was loved and well respected by his community.

He was a man of prayer. My father didn’t say a lot but he made it up in prayers. He didn’t pray in public but often he would wake up between 3 and 5AM and pray to God to use his four boys for His purpose. Sitting in a mud house under a thatched roof, it didn’t seem possible but he didn’t consider what he saw in the natural. I say this to the glory of God, thirty years later all four of his boys are serving the Lord. Together, we’ve traveled to more than 150 countries and preached to millions of people. Over thirty of our extended family members are serving the Lord because of the answer to my Dad’s prayers. 

Friend, if you have a living parent, don’t take them for granted. Give them a call. Celebrate their lives while they’re still with you. Let them know how much you appreciate them. Put it on your schedule to spend time with them or else you’ll never find time for it. In the Ten Commandments, there’s only one that comes with a promise in return – "Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the LORD your God is giving you” (Exodus20:12 NLT). Friends, let us love, respect, and honor our parents. They’re the reason, we’re here.

I love and miss you, Dad!

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My Graduating Daughter

 

It’s hard to believe that you’re graduating from high school today. You’ve reached the pinnacle of success because you can’t go higher than high school, right? ;) Your hard work, dedication, persistence, and commitment have finally paid off. Look back with pride on a job well done. Look forward with excitement to what lies in front but celebrate this moment because it’s yours to enjoy. You have a lot to be proud of and the world is waiting for the experience of you.

 

A wise person once said, “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” You’re about to embark on your life’s journey. There will be many different voices trying to tell you many things. Hear them but most of all follow the still small voice in your heart because that is the Holy Spirit leading and guiding you. You and God will always be in speaking terms. He will speak to you louder about your own life than any other person in the world.

 

Today, I want to share seven secrets with you that will give you a head start in life.

 

Live with your heart. Now that you’re a graduate and you’ll soon go into college. You’ll hear many different opinions. They will try to redefine right and wrong. Many times, your own head will reason with you but always follow your heart. That is where Jesus lives and if you make Him the center of our life, everything else will fall in place. “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23 NIV).

 

Be a student of inner beauty. You’re gorgeous! You can be grateful to mom for giving you the good looks. Being a girl, you’ll spend endless hours in your life trying to look beautiful on the outside. That’s good and you must have fun with it. But never let anyone mislead you in what is true beauty. Your weight, height, or color of skin doesn’t define who you are. God does! You’re beautiful because you’re the child of the Most High. He never makes anything second class. Spend at least equal time developing your inner beauty as you improve your outer looks. “Man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD (still) looks on the heart” (I Samuel 16:7 ESV).

 

Work hard. Through hard work, perseverance and a faith in God, you can live your dreams. Your hands can heal or it can tear down. Use your life to build. Don’t wait on anybody for a handout. Do your best and then let God do the rest. Whatever you do, do it with excellence. “The hand of the diligent will rule” (Proverbs 22:14 ESV).

 

Always show mercy. I’ve made so many mistakes that I can’t even count. But one thing I’ve learnt through my failures; God is a God of mercy. He doesn’t give us what we deserve. He always gives us better than we deserve because He is a merciful God. If you want to be like Jesus, quit throwing stones at people and show mercy. Only strong people can forgive. Always take the high road. Store up mercy because one day you’ll need it. “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life” (Psalm 23:5 ESV).

 

Have compassion. One of the greatest virtues you can have is to be compassionate towards the poor, needy, and hurting people in the world. When you’re compassionate with others, you’re being a “Jesus” to them. We’re most like God when we show God’s love, forgiveness, and compassion to those who deserves the least. “When he saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion on them” (Matthew 9:36 KJV).

 

Always build new friendships. It’s great to have close friends and you must be loyal to them. However, people are always cycling out of our lives. If you don’t invest in building new relationships, you’ll eventually run out of them. Friends are special but don’t idolize them. At any point of your life, if you have a handful of true friends; you’re rich! “Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family” (Proverbs 27:10 NIV).

 

Honor God with your life. In every crossroad of your life, ask yourself, “What will honor God in this situation?” The Bible is still the roadmap for life. Put the Word in you when you don’t need it and it will come out of you when you do need it. There will be tough times but remember you’re tougher. The Holy Spirit is your Helper and He is present with you always. Life’s a boomerang. Whatever you send out will come back to you. “'You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind” (Luke 10:27 NLT).

 

Daughter, you’re amazing! Your one-of-a-kind smile, your warmth and thoughtfulness, gifts and talents they’re enough to make anyone proud. But it’s your unique blend of them all that makes you such a special person – someone so easy to love, and so deserving of anything good in life. Congratulations! Happy graduation! Happy future! I love you and always will. ~ Dad

 

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV).

 

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Mother's Influence Shape History

If you’re a mother and unsure of your calling, you must know what an amazing person you are! Mothers have an incredible weight on the human race. A mother’s influence on a child begins before he or she is born and continues for generations. If you’re a mother, we celebrate you!

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Men are what their mothers made them.” It is the same for women as well. No other person makes sacrifices like a mother does. You may not understand your impact now but your dedication and perseverance will continue long after you’re gone. The burden you carry now, and the sacrifices you make in secret, will soon be rewarded openly.

The Bible teaches that when we’re living right and doing our best to please the Lord, we can pile up blessings and favor for our children and the generations to come. None of us got here on our own. Part of who you are today is because there was a praying mother, or a grandmother, or even a great-great grandmother, who took the time to honor God. They believed, they sacrificed; they made choices even though they’re hard to keep. They modeled a life of excellence and now you’re reaping the benefit of it.

In 2 Timothy 1:5, Paul said to his young disciple Timothy, “I am reminded of your faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now lives in you.” What Paul was saying is that the faith in Timothy didn’t start with him but with his grandmother Lois and if he continued in the things of God, it would continue from generations to generations.  Mothers, what you do today will affect generations to come. The life we live, and the decisions we make, should make it easier for those who come after us.

This is why it is so important for women to realize their role as a mother. You’re not just cooking, cleaning, and serving the family. Every sacrifice, every hardship you endure, you’re impacting generations to come. When you keep doing the right thing while the wrong things keep happening to you, you’re storing up blessings and favor for your children.

Most mothers tend to downplay their role in society. They don’t realize that it is their prayer, giving, and sacrifice that change history. The Bible talks about Joshua and people of Israel being in a fierce battle. Moses was on a hill holding up the rod of God in the air. As long as Moses held up his arms in the air, Joshua won but when he got tired and put his hands down, the enemy started to win. Joshua didn’t realize this but the only reason he was winning is because Moses was up on a hill holding up his staff. Without Moses doing his part, Joshua and the people of Israel would have been defeated. In the same way, mothers are often invisible from the limelight of the society. But it is your prayers, hardship, and sacrifice that bring forth champions in the world. They win because of you! My challenge to us today is to live our lives in such a way that will cause others to win. Every right decision you make, you’re holding up your hands. You’re making it easier on those who come after you. 

Some time ago, I watched a documentary about the giant pacific octopus. She lays thousands of eggs and then doesn’t leave them for anything, not even to eat. When she gets really hungry, the mother octopus has been known to eat one of her own legs. The eggs hatch after many months of enduring care from their mother. Once they’re on their own, the mother dies. I know many moms who have given up everything for their children. Even if your children are not walking with the Lord now, your prayers will ruin their party until they come to Jesus. Today I want to remind you that God will never put you through something difficult without rewarding you for it.

As we remember and celebrate the contributions of mothers in our society, let us remember the words of President Theodore Roosevelt, “The mother is the one supreme asset of national life.  She is more important, by far, than the successful states-man, businessman, artist, or scientist.” Mother, your children and grandchildren or even a hundred years from now, someone in your family line will make history because of the choices and sacrifices you make today.

Mothers, today we remember you and we celebrate you. Thank you for all you’ve done. We love you and we appreciate your dedication and service! I’m praying for you today!

“Be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless” (I Corinthians 15:58 NLT).

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Why Go to Church

In the West it is cultural to go to church. This is a good habit for every Christian. But why we go to church is far more important than merely fulfilling a religious obligation. While any reason is a good reason to be in church, it will serve us best if we go to church with a heart of worship.

Every other Christian activity can be done individually but when we worship Jesus corporately, a special power is released over our lives. Many flock to church for good teaching, motivational speech, and great concert-like worship services and that’s all good. However, the most important reason God wants us to be in church is so we can worship Him for who He is!

We’re created to worship our Creator. Some of the ways we can show our worship to our Savior is to express our gratitude. Worship is easy. Remember the day of your salvation. Remember the day God healed you and set you free from wrong desires and addictions. Thank Him for your children and family. Express your gratitude for His bountiful provisions. Give Him some praise for protecting you from accidents, plagues, and sudden calamities.

Many Christians are uncertain about how to worship. The posture of our heart is far greater than our physical appearance. Let us take at least as much time preparing our hearts as we do looking good on the outside. God still looks at the heart! He will not turn away a broken and contrite spirit. King David, the greatest worshipper in history, often danced before the Lord with all His might. The Scripture exhorts for us to worship God “lifting holy hands.” Singing and clapping are common expressions of a heart of worship. Many are uncomfortable with being emotional at church but it is completely alright to “let yourself go” in the presence of the Almighty. A church is not a place to showcase perfect people; it’s a hospital where broken hearts are mended by God. If you’re uncomfortable looking at others getting emotional in church, you’re looking in the wrong place. Let’s focus on Jesus -- the object of our worship. Don’t worry about what anybody else is doing. Worship for the audience of One!

Much emphasis has been given to tithes and offerings in the church. While you cannot love God without giving, don’t do anything out of religious obligation or membership “rules.” Why we give is far more important than what we put into the offering plate. You have heard about giving 10% of your income to God. May I challenge you to a greater blessing? God doesn’t want a percentage of your life. He wants your whole heart. Friend, surrender your whole life to God and you’ll be amazed by how easy it will be to give. Make Jesus your greatest Treasure. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

It is sad to say but many people treat church as a social club. While it is healthy for believers to fellowship with one another, church should not be a place for us to grow our business connections. It may happen organically and that’s alright but don’t go to church with the intent to scout for customers. Seek God and customers will find you! The only reason we should go to church is to worship our Lord and learn the Word to bring others to Christ. The intent of our heart is the test of our character. 

Preachers, one of our main responsibilities is to feed our sheep. Men, women, and children in your congregation are looking for answers. Let’s teach them how to be a better husband, how to be a better employee, how to be a better witness for the Lord. Teach them how to live a victorious Christian life Monday to Saturday. Let’s lead our flock to an encounter with God. Don’t try to beat your people to submission. Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.” If you lead them to green pastures of God’s love, joy, and peace, they’ll follow you by the droves.

Friend, God is pleased with you. It honors Him to meet you in His House. You are the body of Christ. You don’t have to be in the gathering of others. However, your life will be enriched when you surround yourself with other like-minded believers. If going to church was good for our Lord, there may be something in it for us as well. Let’s put aside the hurt and disappointments of the past. This time around, let’s follow Jesus and not people. Let’s worship the Lord in Spirit and in Truth. I’m proud of you for taking your family to church. God is smiling down upon you.

“Enter his gates with thanksgiving; go into his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and praise his name” (Psalm 100:4 NLT).

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A Season of Miracles for You

I must admit, this is my favorite time of year. I love the festivities, the hustle and bustle of people shopping for their loved ones, and celebrating the greatest gift the world has ever known — Jesus. I love Christmas!

One of the ways to celebrate the birth of our Lord is to keep the right perspective. Things don’t always have to be perfect in order to enjoy life. The quality of our life depends on how grateful we are for the things we already have. If we’re only happy and content with stuff we want and having it our way all the time, then we’ll spend most of our lives disappointed.

Recently, I saw an advertisement where the man asked the genie for a million bucks. As he wished, boom it happened! The man expected cash but he was surrounded with male deer in and around his house. He was disappointed. This is comical but many of us respond to life in similar fashion. We don’t seem to enjoy the 99 things God has blessed us with but instead, mourn the one thing we don’t have. Don’t let that be you!

I’ve found that one of the best ways to draw God’s blessings into our lives is to be thankful for what we have. When we’re bragging, we won’t be nagging.

While most of us are celebrating the joyous season of Christmas, many are genuinely hurting. Some are disappointed about the way this year didn’t pan out for them. Others made deliberate mistakes and now they’re licking their wounds, feeling sorry for themselves. Yet there are some who experienced a tragedy of losing a loved one or they’re going through a physical, mental, or financial challenge. No matter what opposition you’re facing today, I’ve got good news for you. God is about to turn your mourning into dancing. He will take your mistakes and turn them into miracles. This is the crux of the message of Christmas. No matter how impossible your situation looks, it’s about to change! Luke 4:19 in the Amplified version says that Jesus came “To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord” [the day when salvation and the free favors of God profusely abound].”

This is why I love Christmas! I’m reminded of God’s free flowing favors abounding over me, my family, and friends like you. Religion is binding and it teaches us that we have to be good in order to receive God’s blessings. While I’m not trying to promote sloppy Christianity, we would be wise to understand that our best efforts to please God are like filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6). We cannot earn God’s favor with our good works but we can accept His free gift of Salvation and favor upon our lives. And for a sinner like me, that’s music to my ears! I accept everything God has for me with deepest gratitude in my heart. I recommend you do the same.

I love to watch parents shopping for Christmas for their children. One thing that always impresses me is the list. It has names and gifts matching to the names. This list is the most divine list in the world. Naughty or nice; no matter what the child has done through the year — his grades, her attitude, or even their history of disobedience —the list only contains blessings for their children. The Bible says, “If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him" (Luke 11:13). God has a list of blessings beside your name.

Friend, today let’s remember that we’re in a season of miracles. God is not keeping track of your wrongs but your faith in Him. He is not mad at you; He is madly in love with you. You don’t have to play an outsider anymore because God has circled you in. You’re not an outcast, you’re outstanding! If you come to Jesus just as you are, He will accept you and turn your sorrow into joy. You want to honor God with your life but you don’t have to impress Him anymore. Jesus has done that for you. Just embrace and accept the free favor of God’s love, forgiveness, and restoration over your life. Christmas is not just history it’s about God’s richest blessing coming over your life to meet you at the point of your need today. This is your season of miracles. What do you need? Ask boldly! God is in good mood to give you the miracle you need.

“He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things” (Romans 8:32 NIV).

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Remeber the Good

Life has a way of draining us. If we’re not proactive, negative thoughts dictate our lives. When we actively seek to remember the good, the positive experiences of life will override the negatives.

Brain science tells us that our negative experiences occupy more of our brain space than our positive ones. Knowing this, we have to make a conscious effort to remember the good things and start vocalizing them. When we speak our positive experiences out loud, we reinforce our brain to keep positive memories in the forefront of our minds. This is extremely important because our lives follow our thoughts.

I heard of a young couple who was having trouble in their relationship. The counselor asked them to write down their negatives of each other. The wife was very excited for an opportunity to share her frustrations. She made a long list of complaints about her husband. On the day of disclosure, the wife went through her long list of grievances about her husband. She felt good to let her husband know. When it came time for her husband to share, she was blown away by his one line statement. It said “I love and like you just the way you are!” Truth is, human beings have more in common than we tend to realize. None of us have it 100%. Let’s focus on the 80% that’s good and overlook the 20% that’s not so good. Let’s magnify what’s good in each other.

When we remember the good, we attract more of God’s blessings in our lives. This is what the children of Israel did. Every time God did a miracle for them, they established a memorial stone unto God. They were nomadic back then. Every time they passed that way again, they were reminded of God’s mighty miracles in their lives. They understood the principle that if they were not proactive about remembering the good, life’s negatives would override their perceptions automatically.

Many people have a difficult time remembering the good that was once a miracle in their lives. Let me help you remember how God brought that beautiful women into your life. Remember when your children were born. Let us remember how God gave you that dream job. Do you remember the day you walked into your first home? Do you remember how God healed you of that dreaded disease? Remember the day you got saved. Friend, let us remember God’s mighty works in our lives!

Getting started on remembering the good is the hardest part. Once you shift your mindset, it’s not so hard to produce a long list of things to be grateful about. In my daily prayer walks, I regularly remind God of the 20-30 major things He has done in my life. I start with the day I was born. I remind God how He gave me an upbringing at the orphanage. I remind God of the day I graduated from high school and college. You may think these are ordinary things but for most of us, what is ordinary today was once a miracle. Let us not forget and take time to remind God of His mighty deeds. While you’re remembering the good, don’t forget to express your gratitude to your loved ones, co-workers, clients, neighbors, and others who have enriched your life. When we magnify the good, our differences will minimize automatically.

When we remember God’s mighty works in the past, we fuel our faith to believe God for the current impossible in our lives. Before young David defeated Goliath, he first recalled and verbally recited all the previous victories. He remembered how God empowered him to kill a lion and a bear. In the book of Psalms, he reminded God how He brought water out of a rock and how He parted the red seas. Is it any wonder that David’s life was highlighted by God’s favor!

If you’re facing a difficult situation in your life today, be like David. Remind God of the things He has already done for you. Don’t focus on how big your problem is, focus on how big your God is. If God helped you once, He will do it again. Don’t nag. Instead, brag about what He has done in the past. It’s not so much our circumstances but our attitude in how we respond to them that will change our situation. Today in America, we remember God’s goodness in our lives. Let us not just stop there; give thanks to God as a lifestyle. When we do, we’ll see more of His goodness and favor unleashed upon our lives. I love you and thank God for you!

Happy Thanksgiving!

“Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits…” (Psalm 103:2 ESV).

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How to Heal a Broken Relationship

Conflict is inevitable. People hurt us and we do the same to others. Nobody can be perfect 100% of the time. It’s only human to make mistakes. When a relationship is strained, we should take the high road and try to bring healing to the situation.

I find that most people want to repair a severed relationship. However, they don’t always have the tools to bring healing to a conflict. When we intentionally reach out to the other party, it honors God. Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called children of God.” Today, let’s look at a few tools that will help us mend a broken relationship.

Initiate the dialogue. Most people want to repair the damage but they want the other person to initiate things. If we can just swallow our pride, we can see great things coming out of the reconciliation; it doesn’t matter whose fault it was. The person who reaches out first is the bigger person. Be the bigger person.

Allow the anger to settle. When a relationship is damaged, people tend to be extra sensitive. When people are upset, it’s not the right time to make apology. Reaching out too quickly can hinder more than it can advance the cause for peace. Depending on the weight of the offense, it’s generally good to give someone at least 48 hours for things to cool down. People are high strung when they’re emotionally charged. Time doesn’t always heal everything but it can make things easier to deal with.

Don’t make light of the offense. No matter what caused the relationship to break down, understand that the person is still hurting. Right or wrong, people have the right to their feelings. It becomes harder on the person offended if we make light of our action. One of the best things to do is to take ownership of our action. We can say, “I’m sorry that I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. I will make sure that it doesn’t happen again.” Then shut up. Don’t try to explain yourself.

Be gracious to forgive. When people make sincere apology, don’t humiliate them by withholding your forgiveness. It takes a lot of humility and emotional strength to apologize. When people recognize their mistake and try to repair the damage, be a decent human being and minimize the shame. When we keep meddling with the offense and “keep the record straight,” we’re adding fuel to the fire. Never threaten or give ultimatums. He or she may not say the exact words you want to hear but you’re better off accepting the apology instead of dragging him or her through the mud again.

What goes around comes around. We have a tendency to forget that we too need mercy. When we’re being stiff about an offense, we’re hurting ourselves the most. People may not be fair but God is. When we don’t forgive others, God will not forgive us. What we don’t deal with now can haunt us for generations to come. Let’s forgive and bury the hurt. Life is too short to hold on to a grudge.

It may take time. Healing a relationship may not be instantaneous but it is worth it. When we try to hurry the other person, we risk delaying the process. Allow people some space. The bigger the offense the longer it may take to reconcile. Let them process your apology. If they’re big enough, they’ll come back to reconcile with you.

Be at peace with yourself. Some people will never forgive you no matter what you do to mend a relationship. If you don’t get a response after repeated attempts, let it go. You cannot force people to reconcile. Just do your part and allow God to vindicate you. Go on with your life.

Friend, no matter how it started, a restored relationship is divine. You have the right to be sour and bitter against people who have hurt you but it is not right to allow poison to take root in your heart. You can either get bitter or get better. Make that call to apologize today. Send a card. Give a gift. Write that email. When we live life as a healer, we’re being like Jesus.

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother” (Matthew 18:15 ESV).

Let’s Change the World: www.buildinternational.org

Invite Sandy Anderson to Speak: Email: buildinternational@sbcglobal.net 

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Positive Parenting

Parenting can be a nightmare. Many parents do not have a clue how to raise their children because they themselves had no role models themselves. Whether our experience was good or bad growing up, we all have help in our Heavenly Father.

We live in a pervasive society where anything goes. Biblical values are challenged by our society, community, even churches and our homes. If we profess to be Christians, it really doesn’t matter what we think. What matters, like everything else, is what God thinks about parenting.

I realize that many of you reading this may not have young children anymore but a parent’s influence never really goes away, no matter how old the children get. So if you feel that you’ve missed it in the past, you can still learn and impart Godly values to your children. Let’s look at a few keys to positive parenting.

1. Be positive. Parenting involves a lot of details. Children need constant reminder and guidance. Even when they get older, they need wise counsel. When we have a positive outlook in life, our children will learn from that. Most of the time, nothing is as bad as it appears to be. When we live a stress-free life, our children will grow in a positive environment. Practice peace and you’ll produce positive kids. Say to your child regularly, “You can do anything.” “You are beautiful and smart.” “I’m proud of you!” Positive reinforcements play a huge part in the formative years of a child and they seldom grow out of it.

2. Approve your child. People do more of what we brag about and less of what we nag about. When we brag on about our kids, most of the time they live up to what we say. A whole-hearted approval builds confidence. Certainly, they will make mistakes. Downplay the wrongs and highlight the right. Spend a bulk of your communication affirming your child. Be quick to say, “Yes.” Later you can add the conditions. The whole world is waiting to condemn your child. Show him or her some support by being on their side. You don’t have to endorse the wrongs but you don’t have to condemn your child either. Strive to be their biggest cheerleader.

3. Discipline. Love and correction go hand in hand. If your child is telling you what to do then you probably have a dysfunction in your home. The Bible says, “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child.” If they’re young, the Bible’s remedy for discipline is spanking. Never correct your child when you’re angry. Tell them, “I’m about to spank you because I love you.” After you spank them, hug them and tell them that you love them. As the kids get older, you want to move from spanking to consequences. Teach them that privileges come with responsibilities. If they’re not respectful and responsible, they risk losing their privileges.

4. Walk the Talk. Young children need constant guidence. As they become teenagers, they’re watching you more than they’re hearing you. You still have to speak into the heart of your child but make the transition from preaching to being. Character is more important than charisma. How they see you living at home is how they’ll grow up to become. Read your Bible, go to church, cultivate a culture of love, respect and honor with your spouse and your children. Ask for forgiveness when you make mistake. Put them in the environment where you want them to learn. Listen to your child with your eyes. Remember, children spell love T-I-M-E.

5. Be spiritual. Notice, I didn’t say be religious. There’s a huge difference between knowing about God and knowing God personally. If you have a daily, personal relationship with God, your child will eventually learn from your example. Say grace at the table before you eat. Start and end the day with prayer. Don’t just pray for your child, pray with them. All my kids are teenagers. By the time they got to about ten years old, they had to take turns in leading the family devotion. Everybody makes an input and everyone is respected for their contribution. Raise leaders at home and they’ll be leaders of the country.

Friend, there’s no cookie-cutter, sure-success recipe to parenting. We have a tremendous role model in our Heavenly Father. You have what it takes. You’re a parent because God trust you. Step up to the plate and become the parent God wants you to be. Be strong and courageous. I’m praying for you.

“If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking” (James 1:5 NLT).

Let’s Change the World: www.buildinternational.org

Invite Sandy Anderson to Speak: Email: buildinternational@sbcglobal.net 

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Making Marriage Work

We live in a society where even the definition of marriage is being challenged by secularism. A simple and age-old definition of marriage is the formal union of a man and a woman, typically recognized by law, by which they become husband and wife.

A good marriage can be the most fulfilling thing in life. A bad marriage can be equally dissatisfying and make life hell on earth. With the help of God, and a little bit of work on our part, a bad marriage can be good and a good marriage can be better. Today let’s look at a few principles that make a marriage work.

1. Build trust. A marriage is the most intimate relationship on earth. Therefore, it requires highest degree of trust. When we’re building each other based on trust, we’re empowering a marriage. Trust is simply believing, accepting, and cheering for the best in the other person. Trust can be earned but it’s at its best when it is a gift. We can allow bitter experiences of the past to poison our marriage or we can rebuild with the gift of trust. If we’re to have a good marriage, we have to work on building trust. God trusts us; shouldn’t we trust each other?

2. Have fun. We all know couples who don’t have the love, respect, or intimacy they once had. They’re not thriving, they’re just surviving. This is a sad waste of time, effort, and energy. When we’re in a below-par marriage, we’re wasting a beautiful thing God gave us to enjoy. Any marriage can be reignited and exhilarating again. Date one another. Enjoy, not endure. Do fun things together. If your marriage is struggling, then I want to infuse new hope into your relationship. Loosen up and see your marriage transformed!

3. Forgive quickly and frequently. Karma is people getting what they deserve. Christianity is Jesus getting what we deserve! Let people off the hook. The Bible says, “Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged” (I Corinthians 13:5 NLT). Every good marriage requires quick and unlimited forgiveness. When we forgive, we don’t bring up and punish people for the same “crime” again and again. If you struggle with forgiveness, remind yourself how God forgives you every day. Forgive your spouse the way God forgives you. Alexander Pope, a British poet from the sixteenth century said, “To err is human; to forgive, divine.” You can try to get even or you can try to be like God!

4. Revisit your expectations. Life comes in seasons. What was once essential is now obsolete. Many couples are working very hard but they’re shooting in the dark and it’s making them frustrated. It is healthy to talk about each other’s expectations. Create a safe environment to talk. Take your guards down and communicate your current needs and aspirations with each other. Most couples work hard at pleasing each other. However, they’re often trying to give what they want for themselves. Learn to adapt to the preferences of your spouse. I recommend that you revisit and write down your expectations every 3-5 years. Stay fresh. Stay current. Stay connected. Remember, no one person on earth can give you everything you need. Only God reserves that right!

5. Get rid of selfishness and pride. This is elementary but an alarming number of marriages are stuck in this low level. The Scripture says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves” (Philippians 2:3). You can be right or you can have peace. Peace is superior. Another definition of marriage is death to self! If you want peace, pleasure and prosperity, die to your selfishness and pride. Find ways to unite and shun what divides.

Friend, whether you’re married or single, these principles will build a strong marriage. Shake off the hopelessness and the disappointments. Today is a new day. People change for the better. You can take no chances and have a mediocre life or you can make some changes and revitalize your marriage like never before. Trust. Forgive. Communicate. Have some fun. Give your marriage a total makeover. I pray for a baptism of God’s love to seal your marriage. I declare peace, passion, and prosperity to rekindle your love life. Embrace the spouse God has given you and you’ll live happily ever after. I love you and I’m praying for your marriage to prosper.

“Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting” (Ephesians 5: 22, 25 The Message).

Let’s Change the World: www.buildinternational.org

Invite Sandy Anderson to Speak: Email: buildinternational@sbcglobal.net 

Stay Inspired: http://www.facebook.com/pages/BUILD-International-Ministries/113937368637778?ref=hl