Building People. Spreading Hope.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

How to Resolve Conflict


Conflicts are inevitable. No matter how hard we try we’ll eventually run into someone who will disappoint, hurt or betray us. If we don’t have the right tools to deal with conflict we can be crippled for a long time.

Husbands and wives get their feelings hurt because their spouse said something, did something or didn’t do what they’re expected to do. Friends get offended because they felt neglected. Internal conflicts can be detrimental to your company morale and business productivity. Having the skills to resolve conflict is vital to our success. Let’s look at a few ideas that can help us resolve conflict in everyday situation.

1. Your opinion is as important as theirs. The root of all conflicts is our belief system. When we have differences of opinions, it is easy to get all rattled up because the other person sees things differently than us. If we want to resolve conflict we should be able to respect the opinion of others. To accept the differences of opinion is not the same as believing the same way as they do. Human beings have much more in common than our differences. Focus on what you can agree on. Seek first to understand before you can be understood.

2. Be secure in God. I used to be extremely insecure. I was surrounded by people but due to my childhood issues, I’d developed an attitude. I used to be very opinionated and I didn’t hesitate to cut people down if I felt threatened by them. As I sought help and matured, I realized that I can be secure in myself without having to contradict others. When we’re secure in God we can be secure with people. That is what Jesus did! When we’re secure in ourselves, we’re able to accept others. You’re here not to prove anything. You don’t have to teach anybody. You don’t have to change the other person until he/she wants to change. Rest in God’s peace!

3. Reach out to reconcile. It’s miserable to carry on a day with a grudge against your spouse, kids, friend or a co-worker. You can live in the tense situation or you can be the bigger person and try to resolve the conflict. Don’t try to resolve issues when people are still running on high emotions. Give people some space. It is humbling to be the first one to have to reach out but if you do, the rewards will be great. Most of the time, the other person is feeling as bad as you. You can say something simple like, “Hey, that didn’t come out the way I wanted to. Can we start over again?” A genuine gesture of care and concern can go a long way in resolving conflict.

4. Start with “I feel” statement. No matter how bad you feel, don’t accuse people. Most conflicts take place because of misunderstanding and miscommunication. Instead of saying you this or you that start with “I feel.” Your feelings are personal. No one can tell you what you’re feeling is wrong. When you start by “I feel” statement you take the edge off the accusation. Then try to understand the feelings of the other person in return. When you hash out your feelings in a civil way it will be easy to resolve conflict. Your feelings matter but so does the feelings of others.

5. Forgive quickly. People will do us wrong. The only way to get over that is to forgive them. Forgiveness is a big idea. It does more for you than the offender. When you forgive you’re letting a prisoner out – that prisoner is you! We can sulk, hurt or contemplate revenge or we can just forgive and let it go. The Bible teaches God forgives us in direct proportion to the way we forgive. Let’s learn to forgive quickly.

Friend, let’s give up the low life and learn to live in peace with one another. God’s promise is to pour down His blessing where there is unity of hearts, minds and souls. You don’t always have to agree with everybody but you can accept everybody just the way they are. Maturity is to acknowledge others without compromising your own conviction. Let’s live a conflict-free life so that we can be better producers in life! I’m praying for you and I believe in you!

“As much as it is possible, live in peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18 God’s Word).

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