Connect with the Right People

We can only go so far in life on our own. When we connect with people who are more talented, successful, and further along, their influence is going to flow down to us. You will witness increase and promotion because of association.

C.S. Lewis said, "The next best thing to being wise oneself is to live in a circle of those who are." You should be connected to people who inspire, encourage, and empower you. They will challenge you and help you become a better version of you.

Did you know that Thomas Edison, Harry Firestone, and Henry Ford all had summer homes next door to one another in Florida? They were close friends and would spend much of their time together. Notice that they did not associate with just anyone. They hung out with other dreamers and visionaries. Is it any surprise that they inspired others, invented things, and became history makers?

God has some power-associations in store for you too! However, they will not simply waltz into your life. You must actively search for them. When you associate with someone who is favored by God, take the time to learn from them, sow into them, and speak into their lives. The more blessed they are, the more blessed you will become. 

The people we spend our time with have tremendous influence in our lives. When we choose our friends wisely, we begin to see growth in ourselves, our families, our businesses, and our careers. It is alright to help those who are in need, but if they become our only friends then we can quickly stifle our own growth. 

The Bible says that Daniel had an excellent spirit. When you study his life, you discover that he had excellent friends. Three of them were Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. They refused to bow down before the king's golden idol. Is it any wonder that Daniel was a person of excellence? His teenage friends had integrity, courage, big dreams, and would not compromise. We do not have to have a “better than you” attitude but we can choose friends who challenge us to go higher. 

As a minister, I meet many kinds of people and I am a friend to all. Nevertheless, I choose my inner circle very carefully. I pay attention to how people think, how they treat others, and how they act. If their words are negative, critical, or judgmental, I avoid them. I stay away from people who are all talk but no action. I minister to them, but I limit the time I spend with them. 

I have also learned about the balance of giving. Don’t become so busy serving others that you neglect to cultivate the relationships that will carry you. Don’t sacrifice your own happiness, trying to keep everybody else happy.  

Make sure that you have people in your life that you can rely on! God has friends lined up for you that do not need anything from you. They are stronger, smarter, more influential, and more experienced than you. You do not have to inspire them, they will inspire you. They will lift you up when you are feeling down. They will invite you to dinner. They will even introduce you to their connections. 

If you want to see increase, you must be generous with your time, energy, and resources. Honor those who have what you want. The anointing you respect is the anointing you will attract. On the other hand, you will never have what you constantly criticize. 

Friend, God is the greatest Force and Source in the universe. When you give God first place in your life, you will become the ultimate success. Your alignment is more important than your assignment! Like Edison, Firestone, and Ford, surround yourself with the right people. Successful people find themselves in the company of other successful people. Victorious people associate with other victorious people. Happy people hang around other happy people. 

This year, I encourage you to evaluate your friendships on a regular basis. Seek out people of excellence who are bigger, better, and brighter than you. God is poised to expose you to new heights. Make room for the new relationships that He has in store for you. Seek out people who think bigger, dream bigger, and believe bigger than you. God has already lined up the right relationships to advance you. Connect with the right people and you will increase by association! 

“Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble” (Proverbs 13:20 NLT).

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How to Heal a Broken Relationship

Conflict is inevitable. People hurt us and we do the same to others. Nobody can be perfect 100% of the time. It’s only human to make mistakes. When a relationship is strained, we should take the high road and try to bring healing to the situation.

I find that most people want to repair a severed relationship. However, they don’t always have the tools to bring healing to a conflict. When we intentionally reach out to the other party, it honors God. Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called children of God.” Today, let’s look at a few tools that will help us mend a broken relationship.

Initiate the dialogue. Most people want to repair the damage but they want the other person to initiate things. If we can just swallow our pride, we can see great things coming out of the reconciliation; it doesn’t matter whose fault it was. The person who reaches out first is the bigger person. Be the bigger person.

Allow the anger to settle. When a relationship is damaged, people tend to be extra sensitive. When people are upset, it’s not the right time to make apology. Reaching out too quickly can hinder more than it can advance the cause for peace. Depending on the weight of the offense, it’s generally good to give someone at least 48 hours for things to cool down. People are high strung when they’re emotionally charged. Time doesn’t always heal everything but it can make things easier to deal with.

Don’t make light of the offense. No matter what caused the relationship to break down, understand that the person is still hurting. Right or wrong, people have the right to their feelings. It becomes harder on the person offended if we make light of our action. One of the best things to do is to take ownership of our action. We can say, “I’m sorry that I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. I will make sure that it doesn’t happen again.” Then shut up. Don’t try to explain yourself.

Be gracious to forgive. When people make sincere apology, don’t humiliate them by withholding your forgiveness. It takes a lot of humility and emotional strength to apologize. When people recognize their mistake and try to repair the damage, be a decent human being and minimize the shame. When we keep meddling with the offense and “keep the record straight,” we’re adding fuel to the fire. Never threaten or give ultimatums. He or she may not say the exact words you want to hear but you’re better off accepting the apology instead of dragging him or her through the mud again.

What goes around comes around. We have a tendency to forget that we too need mercy. When we’re being stiff about an offense, we’re hurting ourselves the most. People may not be fair but God is. When we don’t forgive others, God will not forgive us. What we don’t deal with now can haunt us for generations to come. Let’s forgive and bury the hurt. Life is too short to hold on to a grudge.

It may take time. Healing a relationship may not be instantaneous but it is worth it. When we try to hurry the other person, we risk delaying the process. Allow people some space. The bigger the offense the longer it may take to reconcile. Let them process your apology. If they’re big enough, they’ll come back to reconcile with you.

Be at peace with yourself. Some people will never forgive you no matter what you do to mend a relationship. If you don’t get a response after repeated attempts, let it go. You cannot force people to reconcile. Just do your part and allow God to vindicate you. Go on with your life.

Friend, no matter how it started, a restored relationship is divine. You have the right to be sour and bitter against people who have hurt you but it is not right to allow poison to take root in your heart. You can either get bitter or get better. Make that call to apologize today. Send a card. Give a gift. Write that email. When we live life as a healer, we’re being like Jesus.

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother” (Matthew 18:15 ESV).

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Making Marriage Work

We live in a society where even the definition of marriage is being challenged by secularism. A simple and age-old definition of marriage is the formal union of a man and a woman, typically recognized by law, by which they become husband and wife.

A good marriage can be the most fulfilling thing in life. A bad marriage can be equally dissatisfying and make life hell on earth. With the help of God, and a little bit of work on our part, a bad marriage can be good and a good marriage can be better. Today let’s look at a few principles that make a marriage work.

1. Build trust. A marriage is the most intimate relationship on earth. Therefore, it requires highest degree of trust. When we’re building each other based on trust, we’re empowering a marriage. Trust is simply believing, accepting, and cheering for the best in the other person. Trust can be earned but it’s at its best when it is a gift. We can allow bitter experiences of the past to poison our marriage or we can rebuild with the gift of trust. If we’re to have a good marriage, we have to work on building trust. God trusts us; shouldn’t we trust each other?

2. Have fun. We all know couples who don’t have the love, respect, or intimacy they once had. They’re not thriving, they’re just surviving. This is a sad waste of time, effort, and energy. When we’re in a below-par marriage, we’re wasting a beautiful thing God gave us to enjoy. Any marriage can be reignited and exhilarating again. Date one another. Enjoy, not endure. Do fun things together. If your marriage is struggling, then I want to infuse new hope into your relationship. Loosen up and see your marriage transformed!

3. Forgive quickly and frequently. Karma is people getting what they deserve. Christianity is Jesus getting what we deserve! Let people off the hook. The Bible says, “Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged” (I Corinthians 13:5 NLT). Every good marriage requires quick and unlimited forgiveness. When we forgive, we don’t bring up and punish people for the same “crime” again and again. If you struggle with forgiveness, remind yourself how God forgives you every day. Forgive your spouse the way God forgives you. Alexander Pope, a British poet from the sixteenth century said, “To err is human; to forgive, divine.” You can try to get even or you can try to be like God!

4. Revisit your expectations. Life comes in seasons. What was once essential is now obsolete. Many couples are working very hard but they’re shooting in the dark and it’s making them frustrated. It is healthy to talk about each other’s expectations. Create a safe environment to talk. Take your guards down and communicate your current needs and aspirations with each other. Most couples work hard at pleasing each other. However, they’re often trying to give what they want for themselves. Learn to adapt to the preferences of your spouse. I recommend that you revisit and write down your expectations every 3-5 years. Stay fresh. Stay current. Stay connected. Remember, no one person on earth can give you everything you need. Only God reserves that right!

5. Get rid of selfishness and pride. This is elementary but an alarming number of marriages are stuck in this low level. The Scripture says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves” (Philippians 2:3). You can be right or you can have peace. Peace is superior. Another definition of marriage is death to self! If you want peace, pleasure and prosperity, die to your selfishness and pride. Find ways to unite and shun what divides.

Friend, whether you’re married or single, these principles will build a strong marriage. Shake off the hopelessness and the disappointments. Today is a new day. People change for the better. You can take no chances and have a mediocre life or you can make some changes and revitalize your marriage like never before. Trust. Forgive. Communicate. Have some fun. Give your marriage a total makeover. I pray for a baptism of God’s love to seal your marriage. I declare peace, passion, and prosperity to rekindle your love life. Embrace the spouse God has given you and you’ll live happily ever after. I love you and I’m praying for your marriage to prosper.

“Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting” (Ephesians 5: 22, 25 The Message).

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Become a Miracle

Many people today are waiting for a miracle. They need a healing in their body, a job, or a relationship rescue. While we all need a miracle for ourselves, we can reach out and touch somebody who God has placed in our path.

Human nature is to be self-focused. We’re all going about our day like a busy bee trying to gather for ourselves. While it’s not wrong to provide for your own family, it is not healthy to be so self-absorbed. God has made you a miracle! You’re a miracle waiting to happen.

You may be thinking, “Sandy, that is good but I need a miracle for myself.” Here’s the key. When you become a miracle for others, God will become a miracle for you. Most people don’t realize that the greatest miracles are the smallest things in life. God touches people when you do. He provides for the poor through you. He shows His love when we embrace the crying, sighing, and dying humanity. One touch of God can change people’s lives. People experience God by experiencing you!

Years ago, I worked at a computer company. By the grace of God, I was their top producer. One day a total stranger walked into the store. I got to talking to him and realized that he’d come looking for a job. After probing a little, I found out that he was in a bad situation but he was ready and willing to work hard to amend his life. After escorting him to the hiring manager, I gave him the highest recommendation and the young man was hired. The rest is history. That young man got his life back together and went on to become one of the best employees for the company. What was that? It wasn’t hard or big but that was becoming a miracle for someone else.

In the Bible, Jesus told a parable of the Good Samaritan. A man was traveling from Jericho to Jerusalem and on the way he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him, and left him half dead. Isn’t this what the devil still tries to do to God’s people today? People commit a sin and make a bad choice and their lives go into a tailspin. The first two people who encountered the wounded man were a priest and a Levite. They were on their way to worship God in Jerusalem. They were in a hurry to meet God but they didn’t have time for His creation. They failed to recognize that true religion is to care for people. They passed him by but a Samaritan outcast stopped and helped the man recover from his wound and payed for his restoration. I wonder how the world would look at us Christians if we stopped long enough to become a miracle!

It’s pretty to sing, “Jesus I love you!” in the church but you can’t love God without loving people. When we reach out and become their miracle, we’re storing up treasures for ourselves. You cannot outgive God!

 

One of the greatest things we can give to people is our encouragement. I’ve found most people know what to do to get out of their misery. What many people don’t have is someone to believe in them. One of the most powerful phrases in the world is to say to a struggling person, “I believe in you!” When a series of negative things happen, people get discouraged and depressed. These people are not failures. They’ve been on the top before and they can do it again. What they need is someone to believe in them. When we look into their eyes and point them to God, they find a new source of strength within themselves. It’s easy to find faults in others but it’s divine to become a miracle!

Today, I challenge you to go about your day looking to become a miracle. Speak a kind word to a stranger. Endorse someone. Give a referral. Call a friend who is going through a difficult situation. Pray with someone about their problems. Give someone a hug. Be generous. When we do these little things for others, God will make sure to do the big things for you. Become a miracle and God will become a miracle for you!

“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.” Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.” (Luke 10:36-37).

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Living Without Crutches

God brings people into our lives to get us through difficult seasons but we have to let them go when that period is over. If we don’t let go of the people in our lives who have served their purpose, we’ll not develop into our own highest potential.

Years ago I lived in Hong Kong, a bustling city. There are tall buildings everywhere and business is booming 24/7. To accommodate international trade, they’re always building tall skyscrapers. It always amazed me that, no matter how tall the building to be, they started the work with bamboo scaffolding. As the building rose, so did the bamboo scaffolding. Finally, when the skyscraper was finished they removed the bamboo scaffolding around it. It revealed a stunning work of engineering and the brilliance of a new skyscraper in Hong Kong skyline.

A similar thing happens as we journey through life. None of got here on our own and surely none of us will make it to our destiny on our own. Along the way, God has predestined people to help us rise to the top of our potential. These people come into our lives at various crossroads. Every one of them is important but they all serve a purpose. When that purpose is over, it is wise for us to release the people who were essential to our growth. I’m not talking marriage here. When we release the people whose season with us is over, only then can our true brilliance shine forth, much like the removal of the bamboo scaffolding in the Hong Kong skyline.

Unfortunately, many people live life stuck with their bamboo scaffolding on the first floor. They have maxed out their resources. They do not venture out to meet new people or remove themselves from their familiar surroundings. If we want to be a person of destiny, then we must be open to new things in life.

God forbid, but imagine you sprained your ankle and you had to depend on crutches to get around. Of course, they provide you with valuable support however, as you begin to heal, your need to use the crutches will diminish. Eventually, the same crutches that served a valuable purpose at one point in your life will have no purpose at all. You’ve been healed, and you’ve moved on to pursue your dreams. Many people make the mistake of holding on to their crutches way past their time. Today, I’m asking you to put your crutches to rest. Embrace the new season in your life. It’s time for you to stand on your own feet and fly.

Several years ago, I went through a crisis in my life. It affected everything I was doing; I felt so lost and helpless. I couldn’t stand on my own much less walk by myself. As I struggled my brother, Dr. Neil Anderson, came to my rescue. He went above and beyond his call of duty to be my crutch. Slowly, I recovered and became a healthy person again. Two vital things happened that I’m grateful for to this day. I recognized that I needed help and my brother recognized that he could provide that help. Eventually, we both recognized that it was time to dismantle the scaffolding. It was a mutual and painless effort. I’m grateful to my brother forever. Today I’m helping others get rid of their crutches.

Mark 10:46-52 tells the story of blind Bartimaeus, sitting by the road begging. One day he heard that Jesus was passing by. He began to shout, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me.” Hearing his plea, Jesus stood still. Friend, you can stop God in His tracks when you cry out to Jesus. He will help you. He will heal you. He will set you free. But you have to do like Bartimaeus did. The Bible says, “And he, casting away his garment, rose, and came to Jesus.” Friend, if you want to be a healthy person, you have to throw away your crutches and embrace Jesus.

Let me ask you a question. What has been your crutch? No matter how beautiful your scaffolding may look like, it’s time to dismantle it. I challenge you examine your life. Is it drugs, alcohol, credit cards, or some other vice? Are you holding on to insecurity, low self-esteem, or an addiction? Are you leaning on your friends and relatives longer than you should? Are you a prisoner of your past mistakes? God wants to build and expose a beautiful skyscraper in and through you. Let go of your crutches and let your brilliance shine through.

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