People
leave church for various reasons. Pastors, if you’re easily discouraged by
people leaving then you have not fully understood your calling. Members leaving
church is an occupational hazard. Stay-at-home Christians, you’re better off
with imperfect believers than by yourself. The first one to leave the bunch
gets eaten!
I
find it amusing that while people from around the world are willing to put
their lives on the line to be a Christian, believers in the West are leaving
the church and even abandoning their faith. After talking to countless
Christians and pastors, I’ve found a few common reasons why people leave their
church. Today, my intention is not to criticize anyone but to shed some light
and hopefully bring some understanding and reconciliation.
1. Lack of
vision.
Allow me to paraphrase the famous Gettysburg speech by Abraham Lincoln, “This church, under God,
shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that church of the people, by the
people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.” Many pastors
have the attitude that, “If you come to
my church, you have to support my vision.” Just because you walk into a
shop doesn’t mean you should be forced to buy any of their products. Likewise,
a church should open its door to serve the people and not other way around.
When people feel that they’re loved, valued and appreciated, they’ll bend over
backwards to support the vision of their leader. Build people and they’ll build
your organization.
2. Leadership. Every great
leader knows leadership without relationship is futile. When a church is
birthed, there’s a great sense of bonding. Because it’s usually small in number,
the quality of relationship and the communication between the leader and member
is strong. As the church grows, that bonding starts to deteriorate. Members
begin to feel unloved, uncared-for, and disillusioned. I say this respectfully
but many leaders are narcissists. Hard to admit but I was! Unless we deal with
our insecurity and become servant leaders by shifting the glory from ourselves
to God and the people we serve, they will eventually leave us. Jesus said, “Whoever wishes to become great among you
shall be your servant” (Mark 10:43 NAS).
3. Doctrine. It’s amazing
how many leaders are willing to lose everything for their doctrine. They cut
down others to exalt themselves. Truth is none of us have it all. God reveals
Himself to us in different ways. When we exalt our doctrines higher than our
Lord’s love for people, we’re creating division. You don’t have to change your
doctrine but be secure and mature enough to accept other people’s opinions as
well. People don’t care how much you know unless they know how much you care.
4. Pressure to
perform.
When a new family joins the church, they’re heartily welcomed, celebrated, and
held in highest regards. After a few months, the honeymoon is over and the
welcome wears off. Now they’re haunted every week to be there more, volunteer,
and bring their tithes and offerings. Morality cannot be legislated and charity
cannot be forced. We should teach people that 100% of everything belongs to
God. Why are we so obsessed with the 10%? When members feel loved, valued, and
connected, they’ll give much more than the legal requirement. Jesus said, “Feed my sheep,” not beat them! People
do more of what you brag about and less of what you nag about. Appreciate,
recognize, and honor people for what they do.
5. Community. 86% people
come to church because of a relationship. In the heart of every human being
there’s a desire to belong. Starting from the pastor, when the culture of the
church is community, it will continue to thrive. People drag their family to
church fighting traffic, they give their time, talent, and treasures year after
year but never get a personal visit, phone call, or even a thank you from their leader. When people feel they belong, they stay together. Promote community through
your reaching out!
6. Lack of
integrity.
None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. Whether it is a moral failure, an
embezzlement of funds, or drowning in building debt, the congregation wants to
know the truth and honesty. People are far more willing to forgive, forget, and
move forward when we’re transparent than when we try to hide and cover up.
We’re all professional sinners. Forgiveness, grace, and greatness belong to
those who humble themselves, acknowledge their mistakes, and make themselves
accountable. God resists the proud, but
gives grace to the humble (James 4:6).
7. Offense. We all come
from various backgrounds and baggage. Not all members are spiritually on the
same level. Most churches often fail to teach interpersonal relationships. When
we propagate a consumer Christianity, people will be shallow and easily
offended. Teach people how to overlook an offense and forgive quickly.
Friend,
if you’ve left the church for one or more of these reasons, I have good news
for you. God loves you just the way you are and wherever you are. People may
have disappointed you but Jesus will never leave you nor forsake you. However,
you can’t love God and avoid going to His House. Did you know Jesus went to
church every Sunday? “And as was his
custom, he went to the synagogue on the Sabbath day…” (Luke 4:16 ESV). If
it was necessary for our Lord, don’t you think it’s good for us? While there’s
no perfect church, God wants you to be part of His family. Take some time to
think. You’re not only depriving yourself but you’re keeping your brothers and
sisters from experiencing Christ’s riches and glory in and through you. Love
God. Love people. Love God’s House. We love you. We miss you. We want you back!
“And let us
not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another,
especially now that the day of his return is drawing near” (Hebrews 10:25
NLT).
No comments:
Post a Comment